Just cuz'

I see you everywhere I go, all the time. Every day. In contexts you'll never participate in. And I realize... That I'll never get past you and the times we spent together. Cuz' we were one. And sometimes I believe that you never existed. Even in my darkest hours. Cuz' you meant way too much for me even to consider you'd never be here by my side. Even if you scared me for life before you went to the eternal nothing. Like you wished for. Something I knew and only I knew about you. Among a lot of other things. You're gone. And I am too, in a way or two. I'll never believe this world without you. Cuz' you treated me, and as well you hurt me. At the exact right amount as I see my own value. We will never meet again, I'm sure. But you have me both alive and dead anyway. How can I ever forget. I won't, and I know that even if I'll try. My subconsciousness will try. But I know. I let you take me to nothing, I'm already there. In the infinite emptiness. Cuz' I showed it to ya. And now we're there. Lost in space. Together, nevermore. And I'm half past dead. Cuz' I let you. When we watched the stars pass by. Silently. I'm broken.

If I ever find anyone that can cope with my sickness I will never treat them with the pain I feel. It's too great. And if anyone understand me ever, as they probably will, I won't realize it. I don't wanna see it. Cuz' I don't wanna see such pain in anyones eyes. No one deserves it. Maybe not even I. But I have it. And I should deal with it, I know. I should manage it. But I'm too tired. I'm too sore to manage. And I'm afraid to let you carry me. Cuz' last time I let anyone carry me, I died.